May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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