She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
