She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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