I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
