yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
