He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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