now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
