He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize