Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Never underestimate the power of titties
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
