WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
