Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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