even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
