mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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