So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
