her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize