When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
