You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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