The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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