I will die if light touches me.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
