happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
