Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
