I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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