I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
