in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
