I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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