peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Randomize
