I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
That's intense
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
