We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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