When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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