i was rollin on her like bob the builder
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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