Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
