Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize