It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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