I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
