I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
