And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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