I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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