life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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