Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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