yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
