you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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