Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
