Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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