I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
