My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
