yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
