oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
