If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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