how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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