Sry I called you an 8
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
