Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
