I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
