So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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