Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
