did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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