Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
either way he was missing a nipple.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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