my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
