I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
