I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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