She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
