How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
People in love make me want to vomit
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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