I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
i think my cat just said my name.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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