Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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