So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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