Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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