i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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